I’m Glad I Never Made It

Sometimes you need to allow life to save you from what you thought you wanted.

 I felt my self unraveling. At the end of my rope, desperately grasping to keep it all from coming apart at the seems - just as the musical heroes i looked up to most started dying. Taking their own lives, rather. Natural causes and accidents happen. They are sometimes unavoidable. Suicide, on the other hand, is a completely different matter. The passing of Linkin Parks front man was like a switchblade that cut me deep. Lil' Peep's passing added salt to the wound.

Chris Cornell (Sound Garden) took his life around this time, and most recently, Avicii.

It haunts me to my core knowing these men were so unhappy living what I believed to be my dream lifestyle and career. Traveling the world on global tours. Electrifying crowds at sold out stadium arena shows, performing for millions of souls. Platinum records. Billions of streams on Spotify - the whole lot. You name it.

It's puzzling. In the midst (or end) of all that success - you feel so tortured, you call the whole thing off. Abruptly, harshly, and permanently. No farewell tour.

Maybe what I wanted wasn't best for me. Sounds crazy, but I am actually glad I never made it. I believe I share many of the flaws and demons that tortured these men. While I don't claim to know what anyone else existence has been like, -  I connected strongly to LP's and Peep's music - which offered me a glimpse into their hearts. A deep place within that these honest, vulnerable songs poured out of. I whole heatedly think my fate would have mirrored theirs.

I admit to my broken character. Aren't we all but constant works in progress? Yet my imperfections and flaws would have been magnified to such a grand scale... and just like a faulty bomb, I would have self-destruct and left a crater of destruction.

I’m glad I never made it. Success at a young age surely would have been a death sentence to me. As you age, I hope you grow wiser. I've got a new future I am chasing. full of fresh aspirations. Brimming with love. A path of restoration and reparation.

 

- trav

IMG_4080.JPG

Welcome to Late Night Thoughts

Featuring you.

The blog I type at night when my frantic, worrisome brain is causing me restlessness and chronic insomnia. 🙃

It’s here I will attempt to put my mind at ease by spilling out and writing (poorly) my late night thoughts.

It’s gonna get dark. It’s going to get weird. It’s going to get worse before it gets any better.

But I have hope this may help me, even if just slightly, wade through this ocean of murky emotions.

This isn’t a cry for help. It’s not a pity party. No aspirations of grandeur here either.

Its purely me being vulnerable, raw, and real as I try to make sense of the senseless world around me.

I hope in by reading these frequent blog updates, you connect with the core of who I am as a person and take solace and comfort in knowing someone else feels the way you do.

 

-Trav ⚰️ 

IMG_3720.JPG

cursed

i can’t sleep

been up for weeks

hittiing clubs

to my feet. 

lots of dope

in my veins  

the techno beats  

drive me insane

this goes on

all night long  

dancing in the dark

to the same song  

i can’t quit

these things i do

another hit

and I’ll be cool

and now it’s last call

and i need a drink

its at this point  

i start to think

am i dead?

or even worse? 

still alive -  

but living cursed?